1
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(THUNDER)
2
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(DAVIN SIGHS AND MUTTERS)
Jesus Christ.
3
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,317
♪ You are my sunshine
4
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,154
♪ My only sunshine
5
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:33,784
♪ You make me happy
when skies are grey
6
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♪ You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you
7
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♪ Please don't take my sunshine away
8
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(DAVIN YAWNS)
9
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:51,135
♪ The other night, dear,
as I lay sleeping
10
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:56,682
♪ I dreamt I held you in my arms
11
00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:02,688
♪ And when I woke, dear,
I was mistaken
12
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:08,069
♪ And I hung my head and I cried
13
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:13,824
♪ You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine
14
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:19,747
♪ You make me happy
when skies are grey
15
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:25,753
♪ You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you
16
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:30,925
♪ Please don't take
my sunshine away J“
17
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(SNORTS AND SIGHS)
18
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(DAVIN) Oh, my God.
Why is it so cold?
19
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(FIONAN) Get in here.
20
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(DAVIN) Oh, warmth.
21
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(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
22
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,469
Clementina. Oh, go on. Answer it.
23
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No. Don't tell me
it's not working out already.
24
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,560
- Beep.
- But she's lovely, Davin.
25
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,770
You've only been
seeing her two months.
26
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,107
Two months and a week on top
of that, so that's nine weeks.
27
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,276
What was it this time?
28
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,946
- Her left eye...
- Oh, God.
29
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,366
This is serious - becomes slightly
lazy when she laughs.
30
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,577
- And that's it?
- That is a valid reason.
31
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,787
What about the last girl, Clare?
32
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,373
- Gummy Anna? Purple, purple gums.
- Yeah.
33
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,209
- That's right.
- Hey, how are you doing?
34
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,919
- Mm-hm.
- It's me, Anna.
35
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:52,798
And, er, remember the Galway girl,
um, how were her gums?
36
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,718
Her gums are actually fine,
but what was wrong with her
37
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:59,555
was her endless humming.
But not songs. No songs.
38
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Just endless, mindless,
tuneless humming.
39
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(HUMS)
40
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,272
(CHUCKLES)
41
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,151
- Reading, driving, walking.
- (HUMS)
42
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,279
These things are signs.
43
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,282
No, they're not. They're normal,
human characteristics.
44
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:22,077
You are going to end up on your own,
alone forever.
45
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,246
Don't you want to find
someone to love?
46
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,416
Jesus, Fionan, who are you,
my fucking mother?
47
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,627
When I find someone,
I'll let you know.
48
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,298
Okay.
49
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,640
- How's the wedding plans going?
- Do you really want to know?
50
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,850
- Yeah.
- I'd like to talk about it.
51
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,019
Still a bit stressed?
52
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,272
Each detail leads to the next detail
53
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:53,984
and each decision is as important
as the last. It's exhausting.
54
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,946
- You're a strange, strange man.
- I know.
55
00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,741
Oh. I shouldn't be showing you this,
but if I can't show my best man,
56
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,534
- who can I show?
- What is that?
57
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,787
(FIONAN GROANS)
58
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,424
- She looks beautiful.
- I am marrying this woman.
59
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,844
Mm.
60
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,013
Congratulations, buddy.
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00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:27,017
(FIONAN) I haven't shown her yet,
so it's a surprise.
62
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,478
- Please don't give the game away.
- No, absolutely. I tell you what.
63
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,730
I'm pressed for time,
'cause we've got to go through
64
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:35,276
- the name cards and the menu fonts.
- Here it is.
65
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,493
(GUFFAWS)
66
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,623
- Did... Did you make this?
- I'm a theatre set designer.
67
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,001
Okay, that is an enormous relief.
68
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,337
- So what do you think, Linda?
- What I think?
69
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,633
- Wow, Fionan.
- Actually, it's Fion-awwwn.
70
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,386
Oh, I'm sorry. Fion-awn.
71
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,931
- One more time, Linda. Fion-awwwn.
- Fion-awn.
72
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,599
Fion-awwwn.
73
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,810
- Fion-awn. Fion-awn.
- Fion-awwwn.
74
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,146
- Awwwn
- Awn
75
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,356
- Awn. Fion-awn.
- Fion-awwwn.
76
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,235
- Fion-awwwn.
- Thank you.
77
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,821
- So sorry I'm late, guys.
- Hi.
78
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,365
- Work is mental. Hi!
- Don't worry.
79
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,118
(CHUCKLES) Hey! AW!
80
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:31,332
- Linda, what is it?
- No, no, no. Fion-awwwn.
81
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,126
- Surprise.
- No.
82
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,295
Yes. Look.
83
00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,339
This is us.
84
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,842
This is where we enter.
The speeches take place over there.
85
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,595
I don't know what to say.
It's so cute.
86
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,347
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
87
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,390
- Oh.
- It's the florist.
88
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,059
Oh, do you want me to...?
89
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,727
No, I'll... Hello?
90
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,356
Look at this, Linda.
It's so intricate.
91
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,149
Isn't it?
92
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,985
Also a little mad. I know.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
93
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:05,616
He is certainly not your average
groom-to-be, not your usual guy.
94
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,160
- In what way?
- Most guys don't give a shit
95
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,913
about details.
Usually they just nod and smile
96
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,375
and scrub up for the day. Very few
of them make a doll's house.
97
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,169
- Oh, it's a diorama.
- Yeah, that's the word.
98
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,756
- And he is so metro.
- Metro?
99
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,258
Metrose...politan.
Metropolitan.
100
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,011
Usually, the only plans
men care about are
101
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,763
the ones they make
for their stag weekend.
102
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,933
- No, Fionan's not going on a stag.
- That makes sense.
103
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,814
That was the florist, Linda,
saying the bouquets
104
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,899
- do not have to be ranunculus.
- Oh.
105
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,609
Did you have a conversation
about ranunculus?
106
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,736
I um...
107
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,863
Ranunculus.
108
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,907
(FIONAN) I'm worried about Linda.
(RUTH) Oh?
109
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,952
Are you listening to me?
I have problems with Linda.
110
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:52,329
- (We should fire her.)
- What?
111
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:53,997
We are a month from the wedding.
112
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,210
A wedding that's going to look
like it took place in McDonald's.
113
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,170
Sit down.
114
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,339
Sit down.
115
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,384
Our wedding day is about me and you,
116
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:10,722
not about...place-card fonts,
or...thematic coherence.
117
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,724
The theme is us.
118
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,769
We've got to focus
on why we're marrying each other.
119
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,729
Focus on the why.
120
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,815
I'm so sorry.
121
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,651
I'm going nuts trying to make sure
it's the best day in your life
122
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:26,864
because...l already know it's going
to be the best day in mine.
123
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,616
You don't have to try
and make it perfect.
124
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,495
It'll already be
the happiest day of my life.
125
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:40,127
But for me, the section of the book
concerning Levin and agrarian reform
126
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,838
engages the heart just as much,
127
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:48,469
because we stand rooted to the earth
for far longer than we ever are...
128
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,680
...in love.
129
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,892
So we'll leave that there.
130
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,269
- Thanks, folks.
- Hi.
131
00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:01,064
- Hello.
- So I was just passing through.
132
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,817
Passing through? Okay.
133
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:08,405
Okay. I need you to organise
a stag for Fionan.
134
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,949
(CHUCKLES) Fionan is not a stag guy.
135
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,620
That is why I need you to organise
a stag for Fionan.
136
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:20,042
- Why do you want that?
- He's too caught up in all of the--
137
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,919
The wedding.
138
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,422
- Okay, yes. Yes.
- Yes.
139
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,799
Have you any ideas
what we could do or...?
140
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:34,848
You go walking and hiking and like
scaling mountains and stuff.
141
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,100
Yeah, I've still got
the compass you gave me.
142
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,645
Oh, you still have that?
143
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,189
- It's a great compass.
- Yeah.
144
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,817
Okay, well, I will float that.
145
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,571
- Thank you, Davin.
You know, it is Fionan, so don't
146
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,116
- get your hopes up.
- I am marrying him, Davin.
147
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,202
- Yeah.
- (RUTH CHUCKLES)
148
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,622
But get him up a mountain.
Seriously, get him up a mountain.
149
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,375
- Yes, sir.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)
150
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,127
Thank you.
Hey, I'll see you on Sunday.
151
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,296
- You will.
- Okay.
152
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,511
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
153
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,103
Hello! How are you?
154
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,730
Oh, lovely. Thank you very much.
155
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,567
(INDISTINCT GREETINGS)
156
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,319
- Hi, everyone. How are you doing?
- Hey, Davin.
157
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,697
- All right?
- Yeah, yeah, good.
158
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,991
Cheers, guys. Cheers.
159
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,997
(LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)
160
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,040
That is the thing about walking
that people don't get.
161
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,460
- It's tough. It's pretty wild.
- But you're still just walking.
162
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,464
You are still walking, Fionan, but
you're also climbing for bits of it.
163
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:53,302
- Do you kill your food?
- No, no, I bring energy bars.
164
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,971
- And bananas.
- In Iceland, Uli and her family
165
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,724
bring hunting tools when they hike.
166
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,809
They can source snacks and things.
167
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,186
- Snacks?
- Like reindeers and salmons?
168
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,273
- Yes, that is what we kill.
- Good.
169
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,400
What about you, Fionan,
what do you do for exercise?
170
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,904
- I walk to work and back daily.
- Oh, punishing.
171
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,033
He also gets lots of exercise
arguing with our wedding planner.
172
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,535
Lively collaboration.
173
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,790
Actually, speaking of walking...
174
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,379
Men, Simon, the Kevinses, how do you
feel about a little walking holiday
175
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,132
to drag Fionan here away
from the wedding planner
176
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,509
and out into the fresh air?
177
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,511
Like a stag?
178
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:39,848
Rugged gentlemen, alone up
a mountain, sounds great.
179
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,101
- I'd find a way to enjoy that.
- Great, brilliant. Simon?
180
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:47,189
- Uli knows I'm good in the wild.
- You're not good in the wild.
181
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:51,276
- Fionan?
- Yeah, no. No way. No stags so...
182
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,654
Fionan, have you ever
even been on a stag?
183
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,615
- No.
- So not even a weekend walk?
184
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,785
I don't enjoy being in exclusively
male company for long periods.
185
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:03,664
There's something forced about it
and false, all that banter...
186
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,708
I mean, under what
other circumstances would we five
187
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,836
ever agree to be in a tent
in the shitting rain
188
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,632
in mid-November all for the sake
of some needless ritual?
189
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,801
So er,
so what about hens in general?
190
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,638
Or my hen, is that just
some stupid needless ritual?
191
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:23,934
Oh, no, babe, but I would
happily go on your hen night.
192
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,105
You want to go on my hen?
193
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,777
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay, Fionan,
one of my favourite things to do
194
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:37,489
is have sex with a man and even
for me that's a bit too gay.
195
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,866
(CHUCKLES)
196
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,161
No, come on, guys. Leave him alone.
Fionan has got his principles.
197
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,957
Maybe a walking holiday's just
a bit too rough and tumble for him.
198
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,501
Okay, Davin.
199
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,336
Yeah, okay, fine.
200
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,004
Yeah, stag it is.
201
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,965
Yay, stag.
202
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:57,884
- The stag!
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
203
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,055
- (MOUTHS)
- (KEVIN) Well done, bro.
204
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,310
Is this something that we need?
205
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,278
The spoon, so you just eat.
206
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,791
Argh!
207
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,003
- No?
- No.
208
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,807
Ooh.
209
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,728
- Is this our tent?
- That is a tent, eh? Look at this.
210
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,897
(ALL CHAT)
211
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,065
(MUMBLES)
212
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:59,863
(ZIP CLOSES)
213
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,157
- Should we... Should we...buy it?
- Yes.
214
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,117
- Let's go for it.
- Let's do it.
215
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,329
Okay. Let's buy it.
Let's pay up and get out of here.
216
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,081
- Careful, are you okay?
- Yeah.
217
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:11,958
- You're fine?
- I'm fine.
218
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,419
(FIONAN) Okay. (GRUNTS) It's stuck.
219
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,797
- No. Just give it a tug.
- Unstick it. It's a zip.
220
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,590
- It's caught.
- Give me a go.
221
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:22,385
- Don't force it.
- Gently.
222
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,179
Just prise it.
223
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,308
(KEVIN) Oh!
(DAVIN) We are stuck in a tent.
224
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,061
(ALL TALK AT ONCE)
225
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,605
- Okay, try that one.
- Got a can opener?
226
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,816
One, two, three.
227
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,360
Wait, wait, wait, careful.
228
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:42,322
- (ALL) Hello?
- We're in the forest display!
229
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,158
- Is there another exit?
- Stop pushing.
230
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,327
(ALL) Help!
231
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,995
(ALL) Hello?
232
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,664
Oh, Jesus Christ.
233
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,208
Don't panic! Don't panic! Okay?!
234
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,127
- Get me out of here.
- Get off of me!
235
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,172
- Hello?
- (ALL) Whoa! Ah!
236
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,467
(ALL MUTTER)
237
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,220
- What are you doing?
- We're trying to buy a tent.
238
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,973
(DAVIN)
Simon, you're crushing me to death!
239
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,517
Simon!
240
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,812
Yes, it's lovely. We'll take it.
241
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,108
- (FIONAN) Are you ready?
- I'm ready.
242
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,945
- Woof.
- (SQUEALS)
243
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,488
Grrr!
244
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,449
Oh, don't tie me up with your rope,
Mr Stag Man!
245
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,368
I love it! I want it all off!
246
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,745
If I'd known you were
so into this, I'd have tracked
247
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,956
and shot a squirrel or something.
248
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,125
Hey, now you're going on a stag.
249
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,628
- Yeah, baby.
- You have to invite The Machine.
250
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,173
- What?
- Well, he's my brother.
251
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,510
- He's gonna be your brother, too.
- My brother-in-law!
252
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,722
That's what stags are for,
getting to know each other better.
253
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,265
I already know him.
254
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,309
- Properly.
- Properly I know him.
255
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:56,897
You guys haven't bonded.
I know that he can be a bit full-on,
256
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,941
but The Machine is a good man.
257
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,028
You have to invite him.
258
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,071
(DAVIN) No.
(FIONAN) Yes.
259
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,908
(DAVIN) No, no.
(FIONAN) Yes.
260
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,492
- This is the brother who...
- Yes.
261
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,620
- With the... and the...
- Yup. Mm-hm.
262
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,997
No.No.No.
263
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,666
- We are doomed.
- We'll call off the stag.
264
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,712
We can't. She'll know why.
There is no exit strategy here.
265
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,923
- The Machine.
- The Machine!
266
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,593
You have no idea what it's like
to spend five minutes with this man
267
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,597
over drinks on Christmas Eve, let
alone a whole weekend up a mountain!
268
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,601
He is insane and as far as I'm
concerned, it is all your fault.
269
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,145
- Why is it my fault?
- For suggesting the idea.
270
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,314
In the first place,
like an imbecile.
271
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,775
- I didn't... I...
- You should never dabble
272
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,777
in social conventions
that were not designed for you.
273
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,988
Jesus, Fionan, I'm at work. I'm
actually about to give a lecture.
274
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,494
- You fix it.
- Okay, yeah, I'll fix it.
275
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:56,706
I'll call him. I'll say
it's kind of a literary walk.
276
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,667
- No, religious.
- Yeah, religious.
277
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,335
A religious pilgrimage.
278
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,047
A religious abstinent pilgrimage
to various shrines.
279
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,802
A silent, religious abstinent
pilgrimage to various shrines.
280
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,972
- Ancient shrines.
- Say the weather forecast is bad.
281
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,349
- Terrible weather.
- Tell him the Kevins are gay.
282
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:17,894
- Make them trannies.
- Vestite or sexual?
283
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,563
- Vestite. Do it now. Make the call.
- Now?
284
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,066
- I can't work until it's done.
- Yeah, okay, I can't either.
285
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,902
- Give me your phone.
- What do you mean? Why?
286
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,655
No, but why can't we do it
on your phone?
287
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,615
Because you're the best man.
288
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,827
(SOFTLY) Shit.
289
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,620
Okay.
290
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,251
- (RINGING TONE)
- It's ringing.
291
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,591
- (BLEEPING)
- Voicemail.
292
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:53,805
Leave a message
for The Machine on the machine!
293
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:59,060
Hi. This is Davin. I'm a friend of
Fionan's who's marrying your sister.
294
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,022
This weekend we are going...
295
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:06,026
We are embarking
on a silent walking retreat
296
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,821
with some transsexual friends
of ours in the rain
297
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,574
and we wanted to let you know that.
298
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,703
Er...you can call me back if you
want, but it will be just as I say,
299
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,706
wet and silent and boring and weird.
300
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,875
Okay, bye-bye-
301
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,171
Keep me posted.
Remember, this is all your fault.
302
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,302
Okay.
303
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,304
Dostoevsky.
304
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,100
- (CHEERING)
- on!
305
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,769
Hi, girls!
306
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,353
Hey.
307
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,230
We need to go, okay?
308
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,191
24 missed calls.
309
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,151
- My God.
- Yeah. Let's go.
310
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:49,861
Let's go, okay?
311
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,030
Davin, come here.
312
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,824
- Where is The Machine?
- Oh, yeah.
313
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,910
We've been playing phone tag,
but he's got the details.
314
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,579
- He's making his own way down.
- He's making his own way down?
315
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,539
He's making his own way down.
316
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,043
Okay. He's making his own way down.
317
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,920
- Have fun!
- Okay, you too!
318
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,588
- Bye.
- Bye, have fun. Bye.
319
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,715
Bye!
320
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,675
Let's go!
321
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,677
(HUMS HAPPILY)
322
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,846
- Okay, okay.
- (PHONE RINGS)
323
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,111
This is actually going to be fun.
324
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,405
(CHUCKLES) Bye!
325
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:39,244
Okay, just one call.
I'm so sorry. One second.
326
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,709
The Machine, hi.
327
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:50,713
Listen, I'm just checking
that you do know about this stag.
328
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,716
Oh, yeah. Did he call you back?
329
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,969
No?
330
00:18:56,136 --> 00:19:00,431
Well, I can give you the address.
Yeah, I'll text it to you right now.
331
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,809
(FIONAN)
Guys, I just want to say,
332
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,019
I know I was really reluctant
about the idea of a stag.
333
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,355
but I think
this is going to be brilliant
334
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,692
and I'd just like to thank my best
man and best friend Davin
335
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,652
for putting it
all together, okay?
336
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,949
Well, now that we're all here,
I can tell you that
337
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,201
we dodged a serious bullet today.
338
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,997
- Yes, we did.
- You know Ruth's brother?
339
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,207
- The Machine knows about this?
- Yeah.
340
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,251
- The Machine?
- You don't want to know.
341
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,420
- Yes, I do.
- Davin here took one for the team.
342
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:35,091
And after an elaborate subterfuge
and 28 missed calls
343
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,302
and 24 messages...
344
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,054
- Oh, play one. Play a voice mail.
- Dare I?
345
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,599
I've never actually heard
this guy's voice,
346
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,643
but the stories would make
your shit turn white.
347
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,187
This is genius.
348
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,815
Okay, Gavin, or whatever your
little name is, it's The Machine.
349
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,403
I'm sitting here with an enormous,
raging stag boner on me right now.
350
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,740
You hear me knocking, let me in.
First thought right out of the gate.
351
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:04,954
We are going To Africaaaaaaaaaa!
352
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,040
Activities, harness wedgies,
353
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,043
six men, three bed sheets,
a pound of chicken fat
354
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,922
and we don't shave his balls,
we shave his asshole!
355
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,007
Put a little lipstick
on the ring piece.
356
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,176
Might be a job
for those trannies you mentioned.
357
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720
Think global here,
Facebook, Twitter,
358
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,556
anything that will allow it for
five minutes and boom,
359
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,601
the whole world's looking at
Fionan's dolled-up kicker.
360
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:31,648
Are you with me? It is insane that
you have not called me back yet.
361
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:35,944
I've done 22 tours of duty, my man.
I'm gonna get nuclear on you.
362
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,823
Davin, Davin, Davin.
Just give it to me, Davin.
363
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,992
What the fuck did you just...
364
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,246
Yeah.
365
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,747
- Is that--
- The Machine!
366
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,416
- Konnichiwa, fuck sticks.
- Hello.
367
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:54,504
I'll deal with you in a minute.
Which dick slice is your commander?
368
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,547
- What?
- Who's the point man?
369
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,133
- Is that a sports thing?
- Your best man, groom job.
370
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261
This is him.
371
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,014
- Kevin?
- Davin.
372
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,600
- Gavin?
- No, Davin.
373
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,894
- No, Gavin.
- No, Davin with a D.
374
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,647
- No, Gavin with a G.
- Oh, okay.
375
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,400
So Muggins here has to drop
everything in his life
376
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,443
and drive 220 miles on the fly,
377
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,738
because this little cum sock
can't answer a fucking telephone!
378
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:23,908
- Because... No, because...
- Why aren't you standing?
379
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:25,827
Be...
380
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,999
- Listen, The Machine--
- And the kicker, my sister.
381
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,167
That is to say
the fucking bride-to-be
382
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:36,921
has to call me her own self to fill
me in on this little circle jerk!
383
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,090
- Wait a second, because--
- Do you have any idea
384
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:42,969
how many rules of stag protocol you
have ass-mangled in that one move?
385
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,888
That is a heinous dereliction
of best-man duty!
386
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:49,100
Yo-se, the brother-in-law es-se,
comprendez?
387
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,729
- Okay, okay.
- I ought to pluck every pubic hair
388
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:55,898
on your girly ass from your balls
to your brow right here
389
00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,734
in this place with my teeth!
390
00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,739
Oh, er,
I actually tried to call you.
391
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:04,991
- Where's your phone, soldier?
- What?
392
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,368
Give me your goddamn phone,
shit bird.
393
00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,044
Sorry, just a sec.
394
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,380
There you go.
395
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,760
- When did this take place?
- Just now.
396
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,512
- Why did this take place?
- The phone's a really bad phone
397
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,890
and I've been having
a bit of difficulty with it
398
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:33,561
and I really got just so frustrated
at it, I erm... I erm...
399
00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:35,938
I fucked it in a jug of water!
400
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,193
His phone's been on the blink.
401
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,821
I had to call Fionan, because
I couldn't get through to Davin.
402
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:46,491
He's been quite un-contactable.
403
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:54,874
Look at your fucking face, Gay-vin.
404
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,798
You must be spitting feathers.
Let me hose that down,
405
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:06,552
because... At ease, folks! I am here
now and that is the main thing.
406
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,305
Reporting for duty. (CHUCKLES)
407
00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,558
- Come here, Fionan!
- Argh! Argh!
408
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,311
- That really hurts, The Machine!
- Good to see you.
409
00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,814
- Yeah, thanks for coming down.
- No problem!
410
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,733
- God!
- Sound off. Who have we got here?
411
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,070
- Who's this little choir boy?
- Er, Simon.
412
00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,030
(LISPS) Hi Th-imon!
413
00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:27,865
Why do I know you?
414
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,410
The Machine,
this is my brother Kevin.
415
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,162
Oh, that makes us huggers!
Get in here, bro!
416
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,499
Ha-ha! Good to see you. Get
down there. What the fuck is that?
417
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:40,878
Er, yes, The Machine.
This is Kevin's...
418
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,256
Dad?
419
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,092
- This is also Kevin.
- You're both called Kevin?
420
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,760
- That's right.
- That's ridiculous.
421
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,762
- What do you call each other?
- Kevin.
422
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,598
Insane.
Okay, big Kevin, little Kevin.
423
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:57,353
- Look, I'm actually not that big.
- Noted. Enormous Kevin. Tiny Kevin.
424
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,815
Okay, housekeeping done.
Budge up, budge up, budge up.
425
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:03,568
Chief bridesmaid,
hit me with the itinerary.
426
00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:06,404
(SNIFFS) Have it downloaded
before I make party.
427
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:09,574
I mean, I'm good,
but even I couldn't decipher
428
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,576
the code in your voice message.
429
00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:14,662
Religious walking retreat I presume
is the pub crawl from hell.
430
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,331
Am I right? That I got,
but the tranny twist,
431
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:20,960
I was all like, what the fuck
are we talking here? Bangkok?
432
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:24,589
Saigon? And then I cracked it.
433
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,592
Fellas, are we going to Cardiff?
434
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,140
Look at you parched little lizards.
Bar Wench!
435
00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:37,351
A tray of shot glasses
and a bottle yesterday!
436
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,063
This little single-cell organism
is getting fucking married!
437
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,232
To my sister.
438
00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,403
- What the fuck are we going to do?
- There's nothing we can do.
439
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,697
- What the fuck can we do?
- I'm letting you know now
440
00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,492
I'm leaving first thing in
the morning. I'll make my excuses.
441
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,744
- Fuck you!
- I didn't sign up for this.
442
00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:58,956
Go fuck. Had I known
that he was even a possibility?
443
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:02,335
- Come on, Simon!
- Fuck you! This is your shit.
444
00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:05,087
Fionan is getting married. Like it
or not, you were on his stag.
445
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:08,633
- Show some loyalty for fuck's sake.
- Also you have to drive us home.
446
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,426
Thanks, Bernard. Good man.
447
00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:13,012
- He's coming.
- Well, I'm going to bed.
448
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:16,516
(KEVIN) Erm, me, too.
(THE MACHINE) Whoa, whoa, whoa!
449
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:19,977
- Park it, sisters, mandatory shots.
- Oh.
450
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,730
We were just on our way to bed
before you arrived.
451
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,066
We've a long day
of walking tomorrow.
452
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,235
Walking whence? From pub to pub?
453
00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:30,071
No, walking.
Walking like proper hiking.
454
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,115
- No, incorrect.
- Actually we are, The Machine.
455
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:37,411
Walking and camping
and, er, praying, mountain praying.
456
00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:41,624
Just a lot of... Got a lot of stuff.
And camping.
457
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,293
- Okay.
- I just wanted to, you know,
458
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,420
get out in the wild.
459
00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,798
What the...
460
00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:54,136
You rampant homosexualists.
461
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,097
Wow.
462
00:25:56,264 --> 00:26:00,851
Okay, The Machine, Kevin
and Kevin here are literally gay.
463
00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,062
So they have an excuse,
but suddenly you three little geeks
464
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,439
- want to start chewing cock?
- Okay.
465
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:10,861
I'm sorry about the confusion.
Clearly this isn't your thing.
466
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:14,490
So, erm, I can offer
to pay for your petrol.
467
00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,450
Ten-hut, Private Gay-vin!
468
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:18,828
You just narrowly survived
your own court-martial
469
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,997
and now you say
that I go AWOL on duty.
470
00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:23,749
You have got the balls
of a baboon, boy.
471
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,002
Yes, it is alarmingly shit,
472
00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,796
but if that's
what fun bags wants to do,
473
00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:33,634
to get out in the wild,
then, fellas, I'm in.
474
00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:36,387
Hey.
475
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:38,514
I'm all in.
476
00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:40,975
- Okay, good.
- Yeah.
477
00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,518
- Brilliant.
- So you little gerbils,
478
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:45,354
snuggle down in the sawdust
and I'll see you at the crack.
479
00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:49,817
This is a doozy of a stag town.
Disappear from mine eyes.
480
00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:20,723
- Morning!
- Shhh!
481
00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,436
(WHISPERS) Let's go.
482
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,156
(WHISPERS) Jesus.
483
00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:39,325
(THE MACHINE) Earthlings!
484
00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,120
- (SIMON) Balls.
- ? Que' pasa?
485
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:45,122
The Machine, there you are.
486
00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:47,875
And there you all are.
487
00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,628
Five little Hobbits
heading out from the shire.
488
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,048
This way.
489
00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:56,175
The Machine,
you don't have any gear!
490
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:04,433
That is not
a recognised bridle path!
491
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:19,615
Watch for splinters. Oh.
492
00:28:19,782 --> 00:28:21,742
(CHATTERING)
493
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:40,970
(KEVIN) No signal. Wow.
We're out there.
494
00:28:41,137 --> 00:28:43,723
(SIMON) Me neither. Rural.
495
00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,558
Me neither, that's my only compass.
496
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,560
Well, at least you have
a phone, Fionan.
497
00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,104
At least it isn't dead from
some idiot dropping it in a pint.
498
00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,231
And you'd rather I'd have let what
was unfolding unfold.
499
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,568
Let's put our phones in this Ziploc
so that we are free of the urge
500
00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,612
- to keep checking all the time.
- Is that wise?
501
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:01,782
Yeah, let's go offline
for, like, two whole days.
502
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:05,828
Two whole days?
I'm not sure that's wise.
503
00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:09,165
- Come on. Come on, Simon.
- (ALL) Come on, Simon.
504
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,208
(ALL CHEER)
505
00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:14,754
Anyway, I've got this here compass
to keep us on track.
506
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,220
Plop.
507
00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:26,265
Oh, Jesus. No, no, no.
Oh, Jesus. No, no, no!
508
00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:29,059
That was incredibly rude and
annoying and also we need that.
509
00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:31,896
- We don't need it. Boom.
- We need a compass to find the way.
510
00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,440
We need to get lost.
You put that compass in the bag
511
00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:39,278
and Susan here will be like, "Let's
take the compass!" Unacceptable.
512
00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:42,865
The compass dies... phew-uck!
We're reborn.
513
00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:47,161
- But it's dangerous!
- Of courth ith dangerouth, Thimon!
514
00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,413
We are going off-piste.
515
00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:53,042
That compass was handmade,
you fucking oaf!
516
00:29:53,209 --> 00:29:54,710
Well, if that's your beef,
I'll buy you a new one.
517
00:29:54,877 --> 00:30:00,883
No, you imbecile! it had sentimental
value! it was given to me by...
518
00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:02,676
By someone!
519
00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:04,887
Oh, your old geography teacher,
Mr Kennedy.
520
00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,057
Your husband...
I'm sorry, your ex-husband.
521
00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:11,685
- Jesus, can you please--
- You do not need that compass.
522
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:14,438
You need to roam free.
523
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,567
All in.
524
00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:23,906
I don't even have a lisp.
525
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:38,963
(THE MACHINE SINGS)
♪ One life, one need
526
00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:41,340
♪ In the night
527
00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:45,928
♪ One love, we get to share it
528
00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:52,560
J" Leaves you, baby,
if you do not care for it... J"
529
00:30:52,726 --> 00:30:54,937
(HUMS)
530
00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:57,273
- Jesus, this song
- I know.
531
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,108
- Not digging the tunes?
- Nope.
532
00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:02,736
- Why not?
- I can't abide U2.
533
00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,118
- Lies.
- Excuse me.
534
00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:11,954
- You actually do like U2.
- Actually I don't.
535
00:31:12,121 --> 00:31:14,373
You don't like their music,
or you don't like Bono?
536
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:16,917
That would be a firm negative
in both cases.
537
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:22,172
All right, fingers on buzzers.
Yes or no, "With Or Without you"?
538
00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,009
- Without you.
- "New Year's Day"?
539
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:27,177
- No.
- "Mysterious Ways"?
540
00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:28,804
- Negative.
- "Bad"?
541
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,472
- Very bad.
- "Pride"?
542
00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,182
- Shame.
- "Vertigo"?
543
00:31:32,349 --> 00:31:34,476
- Vertig-no.
- "Streets"?
544
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,479
The Machine, if it's by U2,
I'm not going to like it.
545
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,398
- Have you seen them live?
- Once.
546
00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,609
- You didn't cry?
- I left.
547
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,319
- No!
- He left.
548
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:47,948
- You are Irish, right?
- What's that got to do with it?
549
00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,492
Ah-ah-ah-ah,
Private Gav, fight your own war.
550
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:56,790
You know, Cyborg, one day,
at some point in your life,
551
00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:59,627
you are going to find yourself
listening to a U2 song
552
00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:03,756
with tears pouring down your cheeks
553
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,926
and on that day, for it will come,
my friend...
554
00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:10,220
I want you to remember this face.
555
00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,807
- What the fuck is wrong with him?
- Chill out.
556
00:32:13,974 --> 00:32:15,976
This face.
557
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,396
I'm going to be there, Cyborg.
558
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,443
- Well, I'm going back.
- I'm going back.
559
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,987
- No, no, you're not.
- Simon, Davin, come on.
560
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,156
Go, go.
561
00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:32,993
Go.
562
00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:36,956
(KEVIN) I was reading
this thing in "The Guardian"
563
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,500
about the difference between
mushrooms and toadstools.
564
00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:42,836
Apparently, there's only
one toadstool that isn't poisonous
565
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,173
and it either is red,
or it isn't red.
566
00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:47,925
I can't remember.
567
00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:51,261
(DAVIN) Fionan, have you told them
your story about Bikram yoga?
568
00:32:51,428 --> 00:32:54,682
(FIONAN) I had a panic attack
and they asked me to leave.
569
00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:56,850
(SIMON) Why did you even do
bikram if you're not obese?
570
00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:59,019
(FIONAN) I'm not obese
because I did bikram.
571
00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:01,188
(SIMON) You did it one time
and you had a panic attack.
572
00:33:01,355 --> 00:33:03,357
(FIONAN) Once was enough.
573
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,239
"There's been a lot of talk
about this next song."
574
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:15,285
- That's a grave.
- "This song is not a rebel song."
575
00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:19,790
This song is
"Sunday, Bloody Sunday."
576
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:21,875
- (SNIGGERING)
- We got a concert.
577
00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:24,461
Simon, I'll make a deal with you.
578
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,423
When you design a website
that has the same
579
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:29,967
raw, emotional power
as a U2 song,
580
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:34,638
then you can climb up here
and shout out the HTML code. Send.
581
00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:38,726
I do more than design websites
and I don't even write HTML code.
582
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:42,229
That, like U2, stopped being
important about 20 years ago.
583
00:33:42,396 --> 00:33:44,273
In fact, like U2,
it's now something
584
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,609
that can be replicated
by a piece of software.
585
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,278
Brain or heart?
586
00:33:49,445 --> 00:33:51,488
- What?
- Pick an organ, brain or heart?
587
00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,949
(SIGHS) I get one?
588
00:33:54,116 --> 00:33:56,577
- You get one.
- Brain.
589
00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,413
Okay, do you prefer machines
to humans?
590
00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,042
Sometimes, yes.
591
00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,210
What do you drive?
592
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:10,591
I drive a 2012 BMW X5.
593
00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,593
Show me the keys.
594
00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:17,890
Throw them up.
595
00:34:18,057 --> 00:34:20,434
When you've finished desecrating
that famine memorial
596
00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:22,603
and you come down,
I will let you inspect them.
597
00:34:22,770 --> 00:34:24,605
Are you afraid I will laugh
at how you throw?
598
00:34:24,772 --> 00:34:27,232
If that's what you're worried
about let me assure you
599
00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:29,234
that is 1,000%
what I'm going to do.
600
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,280
No, don't throw them, Simon...
601
00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,240
Argh!
602
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:41,914
(CLINKING)
603
00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:44,458
- (LAUGHS)
- Are you kidding me?!
604
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,879
Oh, Jesus! They're gone!
605
00:34:49,046 --> 00:34:51,673
- They're gone! They're gone!
- Well done, Simon.
606
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,760
- Why didn't you catch them?
- You threw them like an idiot.
607
00:34:57,554 --> 00:34:59,348
What does your brain say
you should do?
608
00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,604
My heart agrees with you.
609
00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,106
(GRUNTING)
610
00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,650
(DAVIN)
That's a big rock to start with.
611
00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,403
(GRUNTING)
612
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,815
Okay, maybe we should just
pitch camp here for the night.
613
00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:52,818
Yeah, let's stop for the night.
614
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:57,406
I saw a nice little lake over there
if anyone wants to clean up.
615
00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,451
- We are extremely filthy.
- You guys go. I'll pitch the tent.
616
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,788
I'll pitch the tent, Fionan.
A bit more experience in that area.
617
00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:07,708
- So you go on with them.
- I can pitch a tent, FYI.
618
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,211
I know you can, but we're losing the
light and we need to get it up fast.
619
00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,463
- So I'm happy to take it.
- I can pitch it just as fast.
620
00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:15,757
I have a number of the relevant
proficiency badges from the scouts.
621
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,551
A number of what?
622
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:20,888
Proficiency badges.
Proficiency badges, erm, okay.
623
00:36:21,054 --> 00:36:24,016
- (CHUCKLES)
- Just hand it over. Give it to me.
624
00:36:24,975 --> 00:36:26,435
Okay.
625
00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,812
- Lads.
- No, let's have this one play out.
626
00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:30,606
Okay, I'm going to take it.
627
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,649
- It's going to be like that, is it?
- It appears to be like that.
628
00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:35,319
- You're being a bit of a child now.
- Bun, you're the child here.
629
00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:37,905
What? Why? Just give it to me.
630
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:40,073
- Bun?
- Davin's nickname.
631
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,242
(ARGUING IN THE BACKGROUND)
632
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:46,038
In primary school, someone threw
a bun at his head in the canteen
633
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,081
and it stuck.
634
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:51,793
The nickname, that is.
And the bun.
635
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,712
Just give it to me.
Oh my God, is that an eagle?
636
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,382
- That was so easy. Too easy.
- Fine, you can co-pitch it.
637
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,134
- But I hold the plans.
- I don't need plans.
638
00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:02,221
Why don't you go get
the little ground pegs?
639
00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:05,682
Bun...
640
00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,353
Hey.
641
00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:11,521
(CHUCKLES)
642
00:37:14,942 --> 00:37:16,944
Ah, freezing.
643
00:37:19,529 --> 00:37:21,531
(KEVIN) Your sister's great.
644
00:37:21,698 --> 00:37:24,701
I love, Ruth.
My brother is a lucky man.
645
00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,537
(MACHINE) He didn't just get lucky,
Tiny Kevin.
646
00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:31,041
It's more like he broke
the whole fucking casino.
647
00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,168
You boys looking forward
to the big day?
648
00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:35,545
Actually, I won't be there
on the big day.
649
00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:38,382
- I thought you two were coupled up.
- Six years.
650
00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,133
Explain.
651
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,678
- It's my dad.
- What's he got to do with it?
652
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:46,974
He's never really been able to get
his head around the whole gay thing.
653
00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:49,351
Continue.
654
00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:51,561
He's never really
been able to accept
655
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:55,148
my homosexuality
and my partner, which is Kevin.
656
00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:56,650
And?
657
00:37:56,817 --> 00:38:01,113
My dad's an old man from a previous
generation. It's different times.
658
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,739
And?
659
00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,535
He says he won't be coming to
the wedding if I'm at the wedding.
660
00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:09,121
- He doesn't approve of me.
- And?
661
00:38:09,288 --> 00:38:11,290
I've never met him.
662
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:14,418
It's a really tricky situation
for Fionan.
663
00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:18,046
I mean, I've lived with this,
but it's his wedding.
664
00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:22,050
I mean, if my dad doesn't go,
does my mum go on her own? It's...
665
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:23,802
It's a nightmare for Fionan.
666
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,597
Yeah, Fionan needs to man up
667
00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,600
and bring it to the old boy.
End of story.
668
00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,440
(PANTS) How do you want your steaks?
669
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,650
Fiona-la-cakes.
670
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:41,737
I was talking to the Kevs
here about the wedding plans.
671
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:44,948
I'm cooking my own if anyone wants
theirs done by me.
672
00:38:45,115 --> 00:38:47,326
Why don't we ask them who they'd
prefer to have cook their steaks?
673
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,870
Me who did a course
in barbecue science, or...
674
00:38:50,037 --> 00:38:52,247
Neither of you two clowns
are going near my meat.
675
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:56,084
- I'd rather eat it raw.
- You're not getting in there.
676
00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:58,837
That's liquid ice.
677
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,381
No sneaky boners.
678
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,633
And I'm looking at you, Photoshop.
679
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,187
(SIMON) He's gone.
680
00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:22,569
Yeah! Whoo!
681
00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:26,281
- No, he's back.
- Come on, boys! Ha-ha!
682
00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:39,211
- Where's Adobe Illustrator?
- You mean Simon? He's gone to bed.
683
00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:42,631
- (CHUCKLES) That's cheating.
- No, leave him alone honestly.
684
00:39:42,798 --> 00:39:44,424
It's the same rules for every man.
685
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,635
He's going through
a hard time at the moment.
686
00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:49,262
- How so?
- His business is struggling.
687
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,807
- I didn't know that.
- I had a look at his situation.
688
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:54,434
- It's not great.
- Not great how?
689
00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:58,855
They're in deep shit. Poor guy can't
sleep. He's taking Valium and Xanax.
690
00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,650
- They're worried about the house.
- Did you know that?
691
00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:04,861
- No.
- Come here.
692
00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:07,781
- The Machine, seriously.
- The Machine, just leave it.
693
00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:13,954
- The Machine! He's going.
- Go back to the fire.
694
00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:16,957
It's just me and you now.
695
00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:18,959
How are you doing?
696
00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:21,503
- Grand.
- So what do you owe?
697
00:40:21,670 --> 00:40:24,840
- Owe? What are you talking about?
- Your company's debt.
698
00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,509
- What have you been telling him?
- It was Big Kevin!
699
00:40:27,676 --> 00:40:29,469
Look me in the eye
and just tell me what you owe.
700
00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,430
- I'm not telling you what I owe.
- Why not?
701
00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:32,931
Why would I tell you what I owe?
702
00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,058
Why wouldn't you tell me
what you owe? Give me a number.
703
00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:36,560
- No. No.
- Do it. Do it.
704
00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:38,728
Higher or lower than three mil?
705
00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:40,856
What?
706
00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:43,775
- Lower?
- 2.5.
707
00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:45,944
- Lower.
- Two?
708
00:40:46,111 --> 00:40:48,321
- Lower.
- 1.5 mil?
709
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:49,906
- Lower.
- You're in a for a mil?
710
00:40:50,073 --> 00:40:53,535
- No, you're still a way off.
- Okay, what, lower than a mil?
711
00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:55,912
- What, 800?
- No.
712
00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:57,873
700?
713
00:40:58,039 --> 00:40:59,666
- 650?
- (Oh, my God.)
714
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:02,210
Six? 550?
715
00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,379
Five? 450?
716
00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:06,548
- Four? 375?
- No!
717
00:41:06,715 --> 00:41:10,343
Look, okay, I owe
just under 250,000 euro
718
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,554
and that's with everything
leveraged to the hilt!
719
00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,764
I'm finished, okay?
Are you happy now?
720
00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:17,726
Okay.
721
00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:20,103
That wasn't so hard, was it?
722
00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:22,939
Honestly, I know how you feel.
723
00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:26,985
- You do?
- Believe me.
724
00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:29,154
So how much do you owe?
725
00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:33,200
Like half a million
or something nuts?
726
00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:35,577
North of that.
727
00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,370
800,000?
728
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:39,539
Due north?
729
00:41:43,418 --> 00:41:46,004
- A million?
- Keep travelling north.
730
00:41:47,923 --> 00:41:50,300
- A million and a half?
- Northward.
731
00:41:51,635 --> 00:41:54,304
- One and three quarter million?
- North.
732
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,057
TWO
733
00:41:57,224 --> 00:41:59,184
- 2 million.
- Bingo.
734
00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:01,937
My money, all of my money...
735
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,981
I don't have any money.
736
00:42:05,148 --> 00:42:06,608
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
737
00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,568
Oh...
738
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:11,988
- Oh, my God.
- Isn't that insane?
739
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,575
Do you want a beaker of whisky?
740
00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,536
(CHUCKLES) I do.
741
00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:19,329
You do. Of course you do.
742
00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:21,873
- Just go out and join the lads.
- All right.
743
00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:29,548
Coming.
744
00:42:29,714 --> 00:42:34,803
Yes, so, erm... Yeah, it turned
out to be... It was... It was...
745
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:37,556
- Yeah, yeah.
- (BIG KEVIN) Hey, Simon.
746
00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:39,599
Hey!
747
00:42:43,270 --> 00:42:44,938
There you go, Facebook.
748
00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:47,107
Right.
749
00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,239
(THE MACHINE) You know, fellas...
750
00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:58,243
You couldn't put a price on this.
751
00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:05,250
(GLUGGING OF WHISKY BOTTLE)
752
00:43:05,417 --> 00:43:07,210
(THE MACHINE SIGHS)
753
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:09,796
(VIGOROUS RUBBING)
754
00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,510
(SOFTLY) Oh, boy.
755
00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:20,890
(THE MACHINE GROANS)
756
00:43:21,057 --> 00:43:23,143
(DAVIN) Oh, my sweet God, no.
757
00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:25,645
(ALL MUTTER)
758
00:43:25,812 --> 00:43:28,982
- You are not masturbating in here.
- Why not? I can't sleep.
759
00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:32,027
Because it's disgusting is why.
Just eugh.
760
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:34,321
If I don't pull one through,
I'm not getting to sleep.
761
00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:36,865
- No way.
- Not here.
762
00:43:37,032 --> 00:43:40,660
Okay, look, two options.
A, I crack one off nice and quick,
763
00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:44,122
just a straight-up very functional
little number into a sock
764
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:46,082
or what not and we all get to sleep.
765
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:49,878
B, I fall asleep and my mind
supplies me with fantasies
766
00:43:50,045 --> 00:43:52,631
that require me to grind
against the nearest object,
767
00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,008
in which case that is you,
but we're almost family now,
768
00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:58,094
so that's, you know...
A or B, you call it.
769
00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,140
Outside, surely.
770
00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:04,893
Outside is the compromise here.
771
00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,812
I have a little hash
if you can't sleep.
772
00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:09,773
I find
that usually does the trick.
773
00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,651
It's not a neither nor, is it?
774
00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:14,319
(ALL) Outside.
775
00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:15,987
(SIGHS) Two minutes.
776
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:21,242
- He's an animal.
- He can hear you.
777
00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:24,079
It doesn't matter.
He'll be flattered to hear that.
778
00:44:25,455 --> 00:44:27,457
(THE MACHINE)
I am flattered, hugely.
779
00:44:30,168 --> 00:44:32,170
(VIGOROUS RUBBING)
780
00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:34,339
(THE MACHINE GROANS)
781
00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,508
Oh, yeah.
782
00:44:36,675 --> 00:44:38,677
Oh, sweet mystery.
783
00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:40,679
Oh, my lad).
784
00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,431
Oh, don't neglect the balls here.
785
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:47,435
(SIMON) Jesus Christ!
(THE MACHINE) Oh, my God! Oh!
786
00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:51,231
- Come on. (GROANS)
- Further away! Further away!
787
00:44:51,398 --> 00:44:53,400
Jesus!
788
00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:57,737
(OWL HOOTS)
789
00:44:57,904 --> 00:44:59,531
(SNORING)
790
00:44:59,698 --> 00:45:01,908
(FOOTSTEPS)
791
00:45:11,376 --> 00:45:12,836
(THE MACHINE) Fire.
792
00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:15,130
(ALL SHOUTING) Fire!
793
00:45:15,296 --> 00:45:17,215
(YELLING)
794
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:19,426
(ALL SCREAM)
795
00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:25,557
Argh! It's on my ass!
It's on my ass! Fuck!
796
00:45:25,724 --> 00:45:28,685
- Is everyone okay?
- Oh, my God, did you see that?
797
00:45:28,852 --> 00:45:32,313
See it? We were inside
the tent, The Machine!
798
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,024
- Inside the fire!
- That was so beautiful.
799
00:45:35,191 --> 00:45:38,361
- It was like voodoo magic.
- Okay, what the fuck did you do?
800
00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:41,531
Yeah, I suppose a hot rock
must have landed on it.
801
00:45:41,698 --> 00:45:45,535
Little fucker, didn't see it.
But there's a nodge left, Big Kevin.
802
00:45:45,702 --> 00:45:47,746
Enough for a few more,
so that's a result.
803
00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:50,123
A result? We nearly fucking died,
The Machine!
804
00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:53,334
Perfectly aware of that, Slick,
and I will grant you that
805
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:58,715
from a certain perspective
that I had an involvement in it,
806
00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,468
but let's move on. Now, lodgings.
807
00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:03,344
You just destroyed our property.
808
00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:05,305
Officially it belonged
to the Girl Guides.
809
00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:07,348
- He can't just do that!
- Do what?
810
00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:10,101
Act like that! Like, like, like...
811
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:11,936
- Like what?
- We nearly died.
812
00:46:12,103 --> 00:46:15,148
Fionan, you're repeating yourself
a tiny bit. You want to grab a seat?
813
00:46:15,315 --> 00:46:18,151
I would fucking kill you
right now if I could.
814
00:46:18,318 --> 00:46:21,196
I hate you so much.
We all do. We hate you!
815
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,948
- You're ruining this whole thing!
- What is this whole thing?
816
00:46:24,115 --> 00:46:25,950
A stag!
817
00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,369
Finally.
818
00:46:30,497 --> 00:46:33,249
Finally... What?
819
00:46:33,416 --> 00:46:35,668
Oh, my God. Look at it.
820
00:46:44,427 --> 00:46:46,805
(THE MACHINE)
Okay, this is just a bit freaky,
821
00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:49,557
but that looks like a pair of boobs.
822
00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,393
Those bright stars,
that's your nipples right there.
823
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:56,189
- Big beautiful boobs.
- (SIMON) Go to sleep.
824
00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:58,358
(FIONAN GRUNTS)
825
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,537
- How did you do that?
- I got up early. Couldn't sleep.
826
00:47:12,247 --> 00:47:14,374
Thinking about our heritage
827
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:17,544
and what it means to me,
I had to rebuild this thing.
828
00:47:17,710 --> 00:47:21,047
You didn't source some fabric
and stitch us a new tent, did you?
829
00:47:21,214 --> 00:47:25,093
No, Bilbo Baggins, I did not.
We should get moving.
830
00:47:28,388 --> 00:47:29,973
Mordor awaits.
831
00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,396
(SIGHS)
832
00:47:36,563 --> 00:47:39,732
(FIONAN) but it doesn't make any sense.
(DAVIN) What do you mean?
833
00:47:39,899 --> 00:47:42,026
(FIONAN) But it's spelt see-gees.
834
00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:45,655
- (DAVIN) Segue!
- But it doesn't make... Why is it?
835
00:47:45,822 --> 00:47:49,075
It's S-E-G-U-E,
so I call it see-gee.
836
00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:53,121
(DAVIN) Sometimes things are
different to the way they're spelt.
837
00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:57,792
Oh, my giddy aunt. That, my friends,
is a fucking bull.
838
00:47:57,959 --> 00:48:00,086
- Erm...
- Oh...
839
00:48:00,253 --> 00:48:02,255
(ALL) No!
840
00:48:03,298 --> 00:48:05,300
Oh, I can't watch.
841
00:48:05,466 --> 00:48:07,468
- Oh, Jesus.
- (MOOING)
842
00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:10,722
Do not look me in the eye, Mr Bull.
843
00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,769
- He made it.
- Of course he made it.
844
00:48:18,980 --> 00:48:20,982
Come on!
845
00:48:21,149 --> 00:48:23,151
Okay.
846
00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:25,320
Let's go through the woods.
847
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,573
(FIONAN) Ow, ow, ow.
848
00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:30,950
(SIMON) This is what happens
when we turn off our phones.
849
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,870
(DAVIN) Oh, Jesus, Kevin! Savage!
850
00:48:34,037 --> 00:48:36,956
(FIONAN) I told you,
nature is bullshit. (GRUNTS)
851
00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:45,173
(THE MACHINE) Okay, okay, okay.
852
00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:49,469
Now, this, I will grant you,
is a slightly different proposition.
853
00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:52,013
(LOW BUZZ OF ELECTRICITY)
854
00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,058
Does anyone want to touch it to see
what we're dealing with volts wise?
855
00:48:55,224 --> 00:48:57,602
(ALL) No.
856
00:48:57,769 --> 00:49:00,146
- Can you feel anything?
- I can hear it.
857
00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:03,191
- Ah! Oh, fuck!
- Oh, whoa!
858
00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:07,278
Whoo! How was it for you,
Enormous Kevin?
859
00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:10,031
It's unbelievably electric.
860
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,200
Well, we can't get under it.
861
00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:15,870
- And we can't get over it.
- Wait, now.
862
00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:20,917
It's a straight-up vault, boys.
I'm telling you.
863
00:49:21,084 --> 00:49:23,086
Let's see.
864
00:49:26,714 --> 00:49:28,716
(GASPS)
865
00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:31,803
We can do this. Stand back, lads.
Watch yourselves.
866
00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:34,931
What you need is you need
a bit of a run-up into it.
867
00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:38,434
You've got to commit.
868
00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:42,230
You've got to come at a pace
with a bit of zip.
869
00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:44,190
It's physics.
870
00:49:45,942 --> 00:49:48,319
(SOFTLY) Okay.
871
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,113
Yup.
872
00:49:50,279 --> 00:49:52,281
No!
873
00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:54,826
- Oh, Jesus! Argh!
- (ALL) Oh!
874
00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:56,995
- Oh, my God.
- Argh!
875
00:49:57,161 --> 00:50:00,999
- The Machine, are you okay?
- One of us has to help him. Go.
876
00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:03,918
- It's on my face!
- Okay, let's...
877
00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:06,754
- Okay, come on.
- Argh!
878
00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:09,507
Argh! (YELLS)
879
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:13,011
Argh! Argh! Argh!
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
880
00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:18,558
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! (GASPS)
881
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:21,936
Oh.
882
00:50:22,103 --> 00:50:24,105
- Oh, God.
- Are you all right?
883
00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:30,028
- I didn't make it, boys.
- No.
884
00:50:30,194 --> 00:50:32,405
No.
885
00:50:32,572 --> 00:50:36,034
I'll follow. You go on. You go. Go.
886
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,578
(DAVIN) Yeah, but it isn't
meaningless. It seems to me
887
00:50:38,745 --> 00:50:41,122
that it takes me liking something
in order for you to like it.
888
00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:43,291
And then you have to like it and
you have to like it more than me.
889
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:45,835
You have to beat me at liking it.
It's ridiculous.
890
00:50:46,002 --> 00:50:48,046
(FIONAN) It is. I'll give you that.
(DAVIN) You should think about it.
891
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,089
(FIONAN) Okay, I will.
Give me an example.
892
00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,674
- An example?
- An example.
893
00:50:51,841 --> 00:50:54,052
(DAVIN)
Example, okay. "The Sopranos".
894
00:50:54,218 --> 00:50:57,388
(FIONAN) You saw the show first.
It doesn't mean you own it.
895
00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,224
(DAVIN) I'm not saying I own it.
I'm saying that your opinion of it
896
00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:03,269
was informed entirely, I think,
by what my opinion was
897
00:51:03,436 --> 00:51:06,189
and just to be clear,
I'm not saying I saw it first.
898
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,358
You didn't decide you liked it
until I decided that I liked it.
899
00:51:09,525 --> 00:51:11,152
(DAVIN)
I thought the first few episodes--
900
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:12,945
(DAVIN)
That show emerged fully formed--
901
00:51:13,112 --> 00:51:14,739
(FIONAN) According to you.
Give me another example.
902
00:51:14,906 --> 00:51:17,116
(DAVIN) Another example
is the example of risotto.
903
00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:20,620
Okay, for a long time, I thought
I was allergic to Arborio rice.
904
00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:23,372
- I thought they were little nuts.
- I can't even comment on that.
905
00:51:23,539 --> 00:51:24,999
Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive".
906
00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:26,501
Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive".
907
00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:29,045
You can simultaneously love and hate
that film. That's the whole point.
908
00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:30,880
- Listen to yourself.
- I am listening to myself.
909
00:51:31,047 --> 00:51:33,424
What about Vespas?
I get a Vespa. You get a Vespa.
910
00:51:33,591 --> 00:51:35,593
Right, bad news, Davin, other people
in the world own Vespas.
911
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,137
I got to Goa. You got to Goa.
You love Goa. You're moving to Goa.
912
00:51:38,304 --> 00:51:40,515
You own an Indian province?
When did that happen?
913
00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,391
Do you know what? I think
I'm going to hate something
914
00:51:42,558 --> 00:51:44,393
that I actually like
just to see if you start liking it.
915
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,979
And I'm going to pretend to hate it.
You'll have to continue pretending
916
00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:49,816
- to like the thing that you hate.
- Sorry, what?
917
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:52,193
I don't know. I'm cold.
918
00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:57,532
Risotto.
919
00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:10,545
(DISTANT BIRD CRIES)
920
00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:17,844
- What is it?
- It's a bothy.
921
00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:20,012
It's an old communal shelter.
922
00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:22,932
We'll build a shelter
inside the shelter.
923
00:52:44,162 --> 00:52:46,205
(CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)
924
00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:51,794
(THE MACHINE) I got electrocuted
in my mouth, in the tongue.
925
00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:53,963
That shit was sore.
926
00:52:55,423 --> 00:52:57,800
Glad to be of service.
927
00:52:57,967 --> 00:52:59,969
(CHUCKLING)
928
00:53:06,267 --> 00:53:09,020
(THE MACHINE SIGHS AND GROANS)
929
00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:13,566
(THE MACHINE) Yeah.
930
00:53:13,733 --> 00:53:15,943
- Bun, yeah?
- Yeah.
931
00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:19,614
Yeah, stupid nickname.
I can see why you'd like it.
932
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:21,824
Not that many Buns in the world.
933
00:53:21,991 --> 00:53:24,368
- No.
- Ruth dated a Bun.
934
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:29,123
A long time ago. It was brief.
935
00:53:29,290 --> 00:53:32,460
After she broke up with him,
she came to me.
936
00:53:32,627 --> 00:53:35,379
This fella Bun was really cut up.
937
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:39,842
She felt guilty about it, wanted
to know if she could make it better.
938
00:53:40,009 --> 00:53:42,011
What could I say?
939
00:53:44,555 --> 00:53:47,600
It takes a man a long time
to get over that kind of thing.
940
00:53:48,809 --> 00:53:52,188
Yeah, not that many Buns
in the world.
941
00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:00,988
That's what I call a best man.
942
00:54:34,105 --> 00:54:35,481
(WHISPERS)
943
00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:41,195
Do you know, it wouldn't be a stag
without some element of boldness.
944
00:54:41,362 --> 00:54:44,115
I have to be honest
and say that I didn't think
945
00:54:44,282 --> 00:54:47,910
there would be a right time,
but er...
946
00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:51,289
(ALL) on!
947
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:53,582
- What is that?
- MDMA.
948
00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:55,376
What, like the bank?
949
00:54:55,543 --> 00:54:58,546
Um, this is a drug, like ecstasy.
950
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:03,134
- I've never really done that shit.
- I think you'd like it.
951
00:55:03,301 --> 00:55:07,722
It can connect people to
their softer, more feminine side.
952
00:55:12,601 --> 00:55:14,729
Go on, The Machine. Go on.
953
00:55:14,895 --> 00:55:17,273
(ALL) Come on.
954
00:55:19,150 --> 00:55:21,277
(ALL) Yeah!
955
00:55:21,444 --> 00:55:23,362
- I don't feel anything.
- (LAUGHTER)
956
00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:25,489
It's in the post.
957
00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:30,036
Funny taste in it.
It's like sherbet dip.
958
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:48,137
- I feel like a blanket.
- We don't have any blankets.
959
00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:52,266
No, I actually feel like a blanket,
like I resemble a blanket.
960
00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:55,311
All furry.
Do you want me to lie on you?
961
00:55:55,478 --> 00:55:58,397
That's really kind of you...but no.
962
00:55:58,564 --> 00:56:00,066
Okay.
963
00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:04,737
So what's your story, The Machine?
964
00:56:04,904 --> 00:56:07,615
- Like do you have a family?
- I did.
965
00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:09,992
Oh, I'm sorry.
966
00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:12,661
No, they're totally alive,
or whatever.
967
00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:14,663
I didn't know
you were having problems.
968
00:56:14,830 --> 00:56:18,084
- I know you didn't.
- Anything I can do.
969
00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:22,630
The first thing you can do is not
mention a word of this to Ruth.
970
00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:25,466
I don't want her
going up the aisle thinking
971
00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:27,385
I've just been fucked back down it.
972
00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:29,428
Yeah, sure, The Machine.
973
00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,724
Oh, Jesus, I've got to turn it
around before your big day.
974
00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:35,893
Somehow, I mean...
975
00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:39,438
I can't pitch up solo. Just...
976
00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,315
So what happened, The Machine?
977
00:56:41,482 --> 00:56:46,946
Well, as I'm sure most of you
overheard the other night,
978
00:56:47,113 --> 00:56:53,369
right now financially I am up
shit creek with a turd for a paddle.
979
00:56:53,536 --> 00:56:57,456
- Two million.
- I was under some serious pressure.
980
00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:04,422
And the drinking, well, it was...
it was on an upward trajectory.
981
00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,966
I was invited to the races
in Deauville
982
00:57:07,133 --> 00:57:09,510
in France on a bit of a corporate.
983
00:57:09,677 --> 00:57:14,306
I had two horses come in and we were
poured back onto the plane
984
00:57:14,473 --> 00:57:17,560
from Paris. I needed to go
to the toilet, like badly,
985
00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:21,522
and the seatbelt light wasn't going
off and the stewardess is all like,
986
00:57:21,689 --> 00:57:24,275
"Le turbulence!
Le seatbelt! Le turbulence!"
987
00:57:24,442 --> 00:57:27,403
And I'm like,
"Je piss maintenant! Je piss!"
988
00:57:27,570 --> 00:57:32,783
"Le turbulence!" So I just
kind of get up and, you know, go.
989
00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:34,285
What do you mean "go"?
990
00:57:34,452 --> 00:57:37,580
I did a Gerry Depardieu on it,
if you know what I'm talking about.
991
00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:40,416
You urinated into a bottle
on an aeroplane?
992
00:57:40,583 --> 00:57:42,460
Depardieu had a bottle?
993
00:57:45,254 --> 00:57:47,631
(ALL LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY)
994
00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:52,178
I got arrested,
thrown off the aeroplane.
995
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:55,473
I got thrown into
the fucking clink for 24 hours.
996
00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:59,059
I had to get back to Ireland by land
and sea and when I got back home,
997
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:03,189
Rachel had changed the locks.
Now I can't see the kids.
998
00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:12,072
Okay, so, er,
what did you say to her?
999
00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:15,868
"Rachel, why are you being
such a dick about this?
1000
00:58:16,035 --> 00:58:19,663
"You've got a massive stick up
your hole about this one issue.
1001
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:23,209
"I love the shit out of you
and you know that, yeah?"
1002
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,171
What were the exact words you used?
1003
00:58:27,338 --> 00:58:31,008
That's verbatim 'cause I wrote it
down so I would totally nail it.
1004
00:58:32,301 --> 00:58:33,928
Did you apologise?
1005
00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:37,264
I don't think I busted out
an actual apology per se,
1006
00:58:37,431 --> 00:58:40,893
but she...should know that I am...
1007
00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:47,066
totally...filled with regret
or whatever.
1008
00:58:47,233 --> 00:58:48,692
(GASPS)
1009
00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,653
You can't say the words, can you?
1010
00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:53,906
- What?
- Sorry, you can't say sorry.
1011
00:58:54,073 --> 00:58:55,908
- That's ridiculous.
- Say it, then.
1012
00:58:56,075 --> 00:58:57,785
- No.
- Why not?
1013
00:58:57,952 --> 00:59:00,329
- 'Cause I'm not feeling it.
- Hey, I know.
1014
00:59:00,496 --> 00:59:05,376
Davin...you stand up
and be his lawfully-wedded wife.
1015
00:59:05,543 --> 00:59:08,003
- Absolutely not.
- Shut this shit down, Kevin.
1016
00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:10,756
You have one week
to turn this thing around.
1017
00:59:10,923 --> 00:59:12,716
Bun, get up.
1018
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,469
Come on, Bun.
1019
00:59:15,636 --> 00:59:19,181
Okay, now,
look at your beautiful wife
1020
00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:22,768
and tell her that you are sorry
and mean it.
1021
00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:26,897
- Okay.
- That's Gavin.
1022
00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:28,399
- Davin.
- Bun.
1023
00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,526
Just pretend.
1024
00:59:31,860 --> 00:59:34,697
- This is very gay.
- You have one week. Be a man.
1025
00:59:38,659 --> 00:59:40,661
Yeah, okay.
1026
00:59:40,828 --> 00:59:42,830
(CLEARS THROAT)
1027
00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,292
Rachel...
1028
00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,462
- Why are you being such a dick?
- No, no, no.
1029
00:59:51,964 --> 00:59:53,799
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
1030
00:59:53,966 --> 00:59:55,968
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1031
00:59:56,969 --> 00:59:58,762
Yeah, okay.
1032
00:59:58,929 --> 01:00:00,264
Rachel...
1033
01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:06,186
- The seatbelt light--
- No, say it.
1034
01:00:07,354 --> 01:00:09,356
Come on.
1035
01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,121
Mistakes were made.
1036
01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:44,850
There has to be music!
1037
01:00:45,017 --> 01:00:47,019
I need it in my earholes.
1038
01:00:47,186 --> 01:00:50,648
Please, just someone sing me
anything. Just something, anything!
1039
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:53,233
He's right. What are we doing,
taking this stuff without music?
1040
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,402
It's highly irresponsible.
1041
01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:02,368
♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog,
the bog down in the valley-oh
1042
01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:06,163
♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog,
the bog down in the valley-oh
1043
01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:08,165
J" Now, in that bog,
there was a tree
1044
01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:10,376
♪ A rare tree, a rattlin' tree
1045
01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:12,670
J" The tree in the bog
and the bog down in the valley-oh!
1046
01:01:12,836 --> 01:01:14,880
- Hey!
- ♪ Ho, row, the rattlin' bog-- ♪
1047
01:01:15,047 --> 01:01:19,259
♪ Brother Jacques, Brother Jacques
1048
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,472
♪ Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?
1049
01:01:23,639 --> 01:01:27,476
- ♪ Brother Jacques, Brother Jacques
- ♪ Ring the morning bell
1050
01:01:27,643 --> 01:01:31,271
- ♪ Ring the bell in the morning
- ♪ Brother Jacques, Brother Jacques
1051
01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:35,275
- ♪ Brother Jacques, Brother Jacques
- ♪ Ring the morning bell
1052
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:39,446
- ♪ Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
- ♪ Frére Jacques, frére Jacques
1053
01:01:39,613 --> 01:01:44,034
J" Ding, dang, dong,
ding, dang, dong J"
1054
01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,621
♪ The Camptown ladies sing
this song, doo-da, doo-da
1055
01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:50,999
♪ The Camptown racetrack's
five miles long, oh, doo-da-day
1056
01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:54,420
J" Going to run all night,
going to run all day
1057
01:01:54,586 --> 01:01:58,632
J" I bet my money on a bob-tailed
nag, somebody bet on the bay J"
1058
01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:00,926
(ALL CHEER)
1059
01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:05,305
- Davin, don't be pussy. Your turn.
- No, I can't sing.
1060
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:06,932
- Come on!
- Come on, Gav!
1061
01:02:08,434 --> 01:02:10,644
Er, okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
1062
01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:18,569
♪ On Raglan Road
1063
01:02:18,736 --> 01:02:25,075
J" On an autumn day I saw her first
1064
01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:30,873
J" And knew that her dark hair
1065
01:02:31,039 --> 01:02:35,252
J" Would weave a snare
1066
01:02:35,419 --> 01:02:41,425
J" That I might one day rue
1067
01:02:42,426 --> 01:02:48,390
J" I saw the danger yet I walked
1068
01:02:48,557 --> 01:02:54,396
♪ Along the enchanted way
1069
01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:59,610
J" And I said let grief
1070
01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:02,946
♪ Be a fallen leaf
1071
01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:07,993
♪ At the dawning of the day
1072
01:03:09,203 --> 01:03:13,791
J" On Grafton Street
1073
01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:16,835
J" In November
1074
01:03:17,002 --> 01:03:22,466
♪ We tripped lightly along the ledge
1075
01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:26,553
♪ Of a deep ravine
1076
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:30,849
♪ Where can be seen
1077
01:03:31,016 --> 01:03:37,481
J" The worth of passions pledged
1078
01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,568
J" The Queen of Hearts
1079
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:45,864
J" Still making tarts
1080
01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:51,912
J" And I'm not making
1081
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:54,081
♪ Hay
1082
01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:59,711
♪ Well, I loved too much
1083
01:03:59,878 --> 01:04:03,340
J" And such by such
1084
01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:06,385
J" ls happiness
1085
01:04:06,552 --> 01:04:09,930
J" Thrown away
1086
01:04:11,515 --> 01:04:15,644
♪ On a quiet street
1087
01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:21,149
J" Where old ghosts meet
1088
01:04:21,316 --> 01:04:26,780
J" I watch her walking now
1089
01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:31,034
J" Away from me
1090
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:35,873
J" So hurriedly
1091
01:04:36,832 --> 01:04:39,835
J" My reason... J“
1092
01:04:45,007 --> 01:04:47,009
(CLEARS THROAT)
1093
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,679
I can't remember the rest. (SNIVELS)
1094
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,056
That was deadly, Bun.
1095
01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:13,744
What are you doing?
1096
01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:20,459
- We passed a lake.
- Way back.
1097
01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:22,628
More of a pond, really.
1098
01:05:30,928 --> 01:05:33,805
- Where's he going?
- He's going for a swim.
1099
01:05:37,225 --> 01:05:39,227
I need water on my body.
1100
01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:58,997
- Fuck it.
- This is so fucking insane.
1101
01:05:59,164 --> 01:06:01,792
Why don't we walk there in
our clothes and then take them off?
1102
01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:03,961
Because, Fionan...
1103
01:06:06,505 --> 01:06:08,340
(CHUCKLES)
1104
01:06:08,507 --> 01:06:10,509
(SIGHS)
1105
01:06:10,676 --> 01:06:12,511
Oh.
1106
01:06:16,014 --> 01:06:18,016
Wait for me!
1107
01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:20,435
(CHEERING AND WHOOPING)
1108
01:06:22,062 --> 01:06:24,272
(YELLING EXCITEDLY)
1109
01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:26,692
(ALL WHOOPING)
1110
01:06:26,858 --> 01:06:28,485
Whoo!
1111
01:06:28,652 --> 01:06:32,614
(ALL LAUGH AND WHOOP)
1112
01:06:37,619 --> 01:06:40,414
(ALL YELL HAPPILY)
1113
01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,582
Whoo!
1114
01:06:46,461 --> 01:06:48,463
(YELLING HAPPILY)
1115
01:06:53,552 --> 01:06:56,138
(ALL PANTING)
1116
01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:59,516
- This isn't familiar to me.
- I could have sworn it was here.
1117
01:06:59,683 --> 01:07:01,601
- Yeah, me, too.
- Well, it isn't.
1118
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:04,229
- Oh, God, I'm high.
- Where's The Machine?
1119
01:07:04,396 --> 01:07:06,273
Maybe he's down at the lake.
1120
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:08,817
- What are we going to do?
- Find the Machine.
1121
01:07:08,984 --> 01:07:10,402
He's at the lake!
1122
01:07:10,569 --> 01:07:13,238
Find The Machine, find the lake.
1123
01:07:13,405 --> 01:07:15,615
The Machine!
1124
01:07:15,782 --> 01:07:17,784
(MUTTER SOFTLY)
1125
01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:23,457
(ALL) The Machine!
The Machine! The Machine!
1126
01:07:30,130 --> 01:07:33,091
Shit. What do we do?
1127
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:35,385
- Okay, we just need to go back.
- (ALL) Okay.
1128
01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,763
(SIMON) Wait!
1129
01:07:37,929 --> 01:07:40,140
- Which way is back?
- It's this way.
1130
01:07:40,307 --> 01:07:41,892
- It's this way.
- It's this way.
1131
01:07:42,059 --> 01:07:44,144
- Come on, which way is back?
- Okay, it's this way.
1132
01:07:44,311 --> 01:07:45,937
- I don't think it's that way!
- Which way?
1133
01:07:46,104 --> 01:07:47,981
- Some other way like this way!
- I came from this way!
1134
01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:49,649
You came from that way.
I was behind you.
1135
01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:52,319
- Davin, you were behind me!
- So which way did you come in?
1136
01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:55,238
I don't know. Possibly that way.
No, that way.
1137
01:07:56,198 --> 01:07:59,034
Look, come on.
Okay, we're going to go this way.
1138
01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:01,036
- You're winging it, Kevin!
- Shut up, Fionan!
1139
01:08:01,203 --> 01:08:03,580
Oh, my God.
1140
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,499
- No, it's this way.
- It's this way!
1141
01:08:15,050 --> 01:08:17,260
- (ALL PANT)
- Oh, God.
1142
01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:19,012
(STRANGE ANIMAL-LIKE CRY)
1143
01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,181
- What the fuck was that?
- Um...
1144
01:08:21,348 --> 01:08:23,558
Guys, we're lost. Look at the moon.
1145
01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:27,354
Does the moon move?
Is it a reliable instrument?
1146
01:08:27,521 --> 01:08:28,939
Yes.
1147
01:08:29,106 --> 01:08:31,817
- The moon is not reliable.
- I don't know.
1148
01:08:31,983 --> 01:08:34,736
- Then why did you say yes?
- Because I don't know.
1149
01:08:34,903 --> 01:08:37,489
We were just here.
This is where we were!
1150
01:08:37,656 --> 01:08:40,826
No, we weren't. We were just
somewhere that looks like this.
1151
01:08:40,992 --> 01:08:43,662
Maybe we should just shelter here
until daylight.
1152
01:08:43,829 --> 01:08:46,832
- We are naked.
- I am aware of that!
1153
01:08:46,998 --> 01:08:49,000
(STRANGE ANIMAL-LIKE CRY)
1154
01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:51,753
I'm fucking freezing.
1155
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,339
I think we should keep moving
and stay warm.
1156
01:08:54,506 --> 01:08:56,341
Let's do the Emperor Penguin.
1157
01:08:56,508 --> 01:08:58,468
- Yes.
- Go in front of me!
1158
01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:00,637
- Go in front of me!
- Right, okay.
1159
01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:02,806
Close up, go!
1160
01:09:02,973 --> 01:09:04,975
(ALL MUTTER)
1161
01:09:05,142 --> 01:09:07,144
(ALL PANT AND SHIVER)
1162
01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:11,648
- Keep alternating!
- Okay, okay.
1163
01:09:45,974 --> 01:09:49,394
(FIONAN) Enough. Oh, I got
like eight minutes sleep.
1164
01:09:49,561 --> 01:09:53,023
I simply cannot be dealing
with this madness any longer.
1165
01:09:54,191 --> 01:09:56,276
Oh, God, where did you get to?
1166
01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:59,404
- Well, good morning, Fionan.
- Did you kill an animal?
1167
01:09:59,571 --> 01:10:02,449
I did not, but I may have
borrowed some of its clothes.
1168
01:10:02,616 --> 01:10:04,534
You're a fucking lunatic.
1169
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:07,996
I've just decided that your Indian
name is Sulks Like A Baby.
1170
01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:10,498
- How long have you been up there?
- Since daybreak.
1171
01:10:10,665 --> 01:10:13,335
Gentlemen, we are in it now!
1172
01:10:13,501 --> 01:10:16,087
The bothy is nowhere to be seen.
1173
01:10:16,254 --> 01:10:19,216
- Why are you happy?
- Just playing it as it lays hombre.
1174
01:10:19,382 --> 01:10:22,844
What does that even mean? Look!
Look at what you've done to us!
1175
01:10:23,011 --> 01:10:25,263
We could have died
of pneumonia last night!
1176
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:28,183
But you didn't. I see you improvised
a shelter, which is good.
1177
01:10:28,350 --> 01:10:29,684
Because you got us lost!
1178
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:31,478
We all got lost,
Sulks Like A Baby.
1179
01:10:31,645 --> 01:10:33,855
- Fionan, it's fine.
- No, it's not fine.
1180
01:10:34,022 --> 01:10:36,399
I have to deal with this nut job
for the rest of my fucking life.
1181
01:10:36,566 --> 01:10:38,777
Hey, hey, calm down.
Just leave him alone.
1182
01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:42,530
- I beg your pardon!
- JUST...leave him alone.
1183
01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:45,075
Let me get this straight,
you're mates now?
1184
01:10:45,242 --> 01:10:47,410
I think we need to accept
we are where we are
1185
01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:49,788
and we've all contributed
a little bit to that.
1186
01:10:49,955 --> 01:10:52,332
So let's ease up on the theatrics
and move on.
1187
01:10:52,499 --> 01:10:56,253
Jesus, Davin. You're a joke!
You're a total fucking pussy!
1188
01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:58,129
He never wanted you here, right?
1189
01:10:58,296 --> 01:11:01,299
He screened your calls.
I'm sorry, it's true!
1190
01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:05,011
I'm sorry. That is true,
but it was per your insistence
1191
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:07,847
and it was your decision,
so can we leave that now?
1192
01:11:08,014 --> 01:11:11,476
No! We can't leave it now, because
the other problem we have here is
1193
01:11:11,643 --> 01:11:14,854
- you're fucking full of bullshit!
- What are you talking about?
1194
01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:17,357
I think you're overtired.
You need to sit down.
1195
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:20,652
- Breathe, try not to speak.
- Typical!
1196
01:11:20,819 --> 01:11:24,948
- Whatever.
- You're so fucking superior!
1197
01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:28,451
You have to retain the upper hand
no matter what! It's so relentless!
1198
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,537
You act like
you understand something
1199
01:11:30,704 --> 01:11:32,664
nobody else
can possibly understand!
1200
01:11:32,831 --> 01:11:36,459
Always a little ahead of us all!
Jesus, the size of your ego!
1201
01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:39,838
I mean, he's never
even been in love!
1202
01:11:40,005 --> 01:11:41,339
- Fionan!
- At ease, Tiny Kevin.
1203
01:11:41,506 --> 01:11:43,508
You don't know
what you're talking about, Fionan.
1204
01:11:43,675 --> 01:11:46,511
Six months, Davin,
your longest ever relationship.
1205
01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:48,263
You had so many chances!
1206
01:11:48,430 --> 01:11:50,765
- Six fucking months!
- That is none of your business!
1207
01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:53,435
What kind of man
never lets himself fall in love?
1208
01:11:53,601 --> 01:11:59,024
Even that Neanderthal man is in love
whereas you always beat a retreat.
1209
01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:02,527
You let yourself experience nothing.
1210
01:12:02,694 --> 01:12:05,196
You haven't the faintest idea
what it feels like
1211
01:12:05,363 --> 01:12:08,450
because you've never had
the balls to be in love!
1212
01:12:08,616 --> 01:12:11,202
- You're such a fucking idiot.
- I beg your pardon.
1213
01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:14,664
- You're wrong. I was in love.
- Oh, which one, Una? Clare?
1214
01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:16,583
- Fucking little Brenda?
- No, no.
1215
01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:21,338
The one...about Christmas
six years ago.
1216
01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:25,091
- Six years ago?
- Yeah.
1217
01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:29,137
Christmas?
1218
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,269
Ruth?
1219
01:12:38,021 --> 01:12:40,023
You're so fucking stupid sometimes.
1220
01:12:40,982 --> 01:12:42,567
Are you telling me
Ruth broke your heart?
1221
01:12:42,734 --> 01:12:45,487
No, actually, she fucking
smashed it to smithereens.
1222
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:49,074
I was a mess.
1223
01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:52,452
I was a pitiful mess.
1224
01:12:52,619 --> 01:12:54,621
My heart... (SOBS)
1225
01:12:55,622 --> 01:12:58,208
My heart was... (SOBS)
1226
01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:03,171
And you just cruise in there
and sweep her away, simple as that.
1227
01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:06,800
- I didn't know.
- Of course you didn't fucking know!
1228
01:13:07,801 --> 01:13:11,221
- You told me you broke up with her.
- Yeah, well, there you have it!
1229
01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:14,766
Right. Did you know?
1230
01:13:14,933 --> 01:13:16,267
Yeah.
1231
01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:19,896
And you actually hid it from me?
1232
01:13:20,063 --> 01:13:22,190
- Why didn't you tell me?
- The damage was done.
1233
01:13:22,357 --> 01:13:24,192
What the fuck does that mean?
Why didn't you tell me?
1234
01:13:24,359 --> 01:13:26,569
- Because you started seeing her.
- That was a year later!
1235
01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:28,780
Maybe I didn't feel
I could tell you any of that shit.
1236
01:13:28,947 --> 01:13:31,616
Jesus!
Are we actually friends at all?
1237
01:13:31,783 --> 01:13:34,786
What the fuck is going on? I mean...
Wait, okay.
1238
01:13:34,953 --> 01:13:36,955
Okay, oh, Jesus, Davin.
1239
01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:42,210
Are you still in love with her?
1240
01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:47,590
Oh, Jesus.
1241
01:13:54,973 --> 01:13:56,808
Oh.
1242
01:13:56,975 --> 01:13:58,643
- Ow!
- (ALL) Oh.
1243
01:13:58,810 --> 01:14:00,770
Aow! Fuck!
1244
01:14:00,937 --> 01:14:04,065
This is my fucking stag!
1245
01:14:04,232 --> 01:14:08,361
This is my fucking stag and you tell
me that you're in love with Ruth!
1246
01:14:08,528 --> 01:14:10,155
The love of my life!
1247
01:14:10,321 --> 01:14:13,491
And now! Now! After all these years!
1248
01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:18,371
You decide that this...
this is the best time to tell me!
1249
01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:22,000
- You!
- Get off me, you fuck...
1250
01:14:22,167 --> 01:14:24,836
- Ah! NO! Ah'
- Ah!
1251
01:14:25,003 --> 01:14:26,588
- OW! Ow!
- Stop,
1252
01:14:28,214 --> 01:14:29,841
(SNIGGERS)
1253
01:14:30,008 --> 01:14:33,178
(BOTH GRUNT AND PANT)
1254
01:14:33,344 --> 01:14:35,346
(FIONAN SOBS)
1255
01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:39,350
Just stop it! Just stop now! Oh! Oh!
1256
01:14:39,517 --> 01:14:42,729
Christ! One of my lenses has rolled
back into the back of my eye!
1257
01:14:42,896 --> 01:14:45,273
Good!
Kevin, will you be my best man?
1258
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:48,610
Yeah, will you, Kevin? Because
there's no fucking way I'm doing it!
1259
01:14:48,776 --> 01:14:50,987
- Guys, you're being ridiculous!
- You are being ridiculous.
1260
01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,530
The Machine, what do we do now?
1261
01:14:52,697 --> 01:14:55,074
It's pretty clear
what Fionan and Davin need to do.
1262
01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:58,119
- Never see each other again!
- Davin, grow a set of balls!
1263
01:14:58,286 --> 01:15:00,163
Ask your friend to forgive you
for being such an idiot!
1264
01:15:00,330 --> 01:15:02,290
And then we can go,
because it's getting really cold.
1265
01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:05,543
- Apologise now! Say sorry!
- No!
1266
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:07,045
- Fionan!
- No.
1267
01:15:07,212 --> 01:15:10,006
- Apologise for what?
- Jesus Christ, Davin.
1268
01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:12,383
- Fuck off!
- Shake hands! Shake hands!
1269
01:15:13,635 --> 01:15:15,637
(GRUNTS)
1270
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:21,267
Gentlemen, we're on the move.
1271
01:15:21,434 --> 01:15:22,894
Follow me.
1272
01:15:41,996 --> 01:15:43,831
Right, well, we can't all go.
1273
01:15:43,998 --> 01:15:45,792
I'm naked. Simon has ivy.
1274
01:15:45,959 --> 01:15:49,128
I have one tiny piece of ivy over
my balls. Worse than being naked.
1275
01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:52,757
- I am simply not going.
- Right, you lads, stay here.
1276
01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:09,023
What is he doing?
1277
01:16:11,526 --> 01:16:14,112
Eggs. genius.
1278
01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:20,410
He's having breakfast.
1279
01:16:23,663 --> 01:16:25,665
Mm. (CHUCKLES)
1280
01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:28,334
(DOG GROWLING)
1281
01:16:32,839 --> 01:16:35,592
- Easy, now.
- (BARKS)
1282
01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:37,385
Easy boy-
1283
01:16:37,552 --> 01:16:39,929
Easy , easy , okay . okay.
1284
01:16:41,723 --> 01:16:43,725
Oh, my God.
1285
01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,893
Okay, okay.
1286
01:16:46,060 --> 01:16:48,062
- (GROWLS)
- (ALL SHOUT)
1287
01:16:49,063 --> 01:16:50,607
(BARKING)
1288
01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:53,651
Apparently,
if you forcibly insert your finger
1289
01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:56,195
into the dog's anus,
it will stop attacking.
1290
01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,032
- God.
- He's dead.
1291
01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:01,200
- Come on!
- What...are you doing?
1292
01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,369
- Oh, my God.
- Why is he doing that?
1293
01:17:04,370 --> 01:17:06,372
(BARKING)
1294
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,333
(THE MACHINE) Easy, easy.
1295
01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,293
- Easy, easy.
- (BARKING)
1296
01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:13,671
I just know that I'm not going
to be any good at this.
1297
01:17:13,838 --> 01:17:15,340
(ALL YELL)
1298
01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:16,883
Easy! Throw me a weapon!
1299
01:17:19,844 --> 01:17:21,638
- What the...
- I'm sorry!
1300
01:17:23,097 --> 01:17:25,725
(BARKING)
1301
01:17:25,892 --> 01:17:27,810
Haughey!
1302
01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:36,653
Nudey, crusty hippy bastards!
I'll shoot the shit out of ye!
1303
01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:38,863
(ALL) Ah!
1304
01:17:43,785 --> 01:17:45,244
I don't want to die!
1305
01:17:45,411 --> 01:17:46,829
(LAUGHS)
1306
01:18:03,471 --> 01:18:06,224
I tell you one thing boys... (GASPS)
1307
01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:08,601
I am looking forward
to this wedding.
1308
01:18:08,768 --> 01:18:10,770
(LAUGHTER)
1309
01:18:37,839 --> 01:18:39,841
(HORN BEEPS)
1310
01:18:43,177 --> 01:18:45,346
Oh, good,
I think he's letting us on.
1311
01:18:45,513 --> 01:18:47,724
(DRIVER) Clear up the bus.
1312
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:50,852
Hi.
1313
01:19:12,248 --> 01:19:14,167
(FARMER) Stay off my land!
1314
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:15,960
Absolutely.
1315
01:19:18,963 --> 01:19:20,757
Good bye.
1316
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:29,640
Yes!
1317
01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:32,393
Can you open this up, Simon?
1318
01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,562
(DAVIN SIGHS)
1319
01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:39,275
I don't have the keys.
1320
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:41,986
(ALL GROAN)
1321
01:19:42,153 --> 01:19:44,906
(DAVIN) Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Jesus,Jesus.
1322
01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:47,074
Oh, my God.
1323
01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:52,038
Fuck it.
1324
01:19:52,205 --> 01:19:55,374
You know what, it's a car.
It's a car.
1325
01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,127
It's just a fucking car.
1326
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:00,671
It's just a fucking car. A car.
1327
01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:03,800
Simon...
1328
01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:06,260
It's just a fucking car.
1329
01:20:06,427 --> 01:20:08,387
Simon...
1330
01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:10,389
It's just a car.
1331
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,934
(GROANS) Got there!
1332
01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:14,811
- (ALARM BLARES)
- Ah!
1333
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,312
Oh, fuck.
1334
01:20:16,479 --> 01:20:19,690
Oh, Jesus, no!
Uli is going to destroy me!
1335
01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:22,235
- How do you turn the alarm off?
- I don't know!
1336
01:20:22,401 --> 01:20:24,529
- (ALARM STOPS)
- You're fucking kidding me.
1337
01:20:24,695 --> 01:20:27,365
You're out here destroying your Jeep
with the fucking boulder
1338
01:20:27,532 --> 01:20:31,160
and I'm inside pinching a loaf!
Why didn't you wait till I came out?
1339
01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:35,164
- Wait How did you do that?
- Oh, yeah. Here you go, chief.
1340
01:20:35,331 --> 01:20:37,333
I found them the morning after.
1341
01:20:47,218 --> 01:20:48,553
You're mad.
1342
01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:50,888
Seriously, The Machine,
you really are quite mad.
1343
01:20:52,598 --> 01:20:54,100
Yeah.
1344
01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:56,060
See you boys at the wedding.
1345
01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,377
Seven new messages.
1346
01:21:24,380 --> 01:21:26,966
Hey, Dad.
1347
01:21:27,133 --> 01:21:30,011
Yeah, it was... It was interesting.
1348
01:21:30,177 --> 01:21:32,179
Listen I just need to say something.
1349
01:21:32,346 --> 01:21:34,932
Erm, the two Kevins
are coming to the wedding
1350
01:21:35,099 --> 01:21:37,101
and I'd really like you
to come, too.
1351
01:21:38,519 --> 01:21:41,522
Yeah, I know that. Well,
of course you're still invited.
1352
01:21:42,773 --> 01:21:46,903
Well, that's up to you, Dad, but
that's what's going to happen, okay?
1353
01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:50,907
Okay. Well, look, have a think
about it and I'll talk to you soon.
1354
01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:52,867
Okay, bye.
1355
01:21:58,122 --> 01:22:00,082
(SIGHS)
1356
01:22:33,366 --> 01:22:35,368
He's alive! (CHUCKLES)
1357
01:22:35,534 --> 01:22:37,161
- Hey!
- Hey!
1358
01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:39,538
(RUTH) Thank you so much.
1359
01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,707
Hey, you!
1360
01:22:41,874 --> 01:22:43,876
Welcome back.
1361
01:22:46,253 --> 01:22:48,255
Don't forget the rings, yeah?
1362
01:22:52,426 --> 01:22:54,637
(KNOCKING)
1363
01:22:57,098 --> 01:22:59,850
Rach...please.
1364
01:23:05,940 --> 01:23:07,984
I'm sorry.
1365
01:23:11,153 --> 01:23:13,531
How hard was that?
1366
01:23:17,827 --> 01:23:19,829
Oh, God.
1367
01:23:55,197 --> 01:23:57,575
(CHATTERING AND TINKLING OF GLASS)
1368
01:23:57,742 --> 01:23:59,744
(CHEERING)
1369
01:24:00,119 --> 01:24:04,999
Hello, everybody. I'm Davin
and I'm the best man.
1370
01:24:05,166 --> 01:24:06,959
(CHEERING)
1371
01:24:10,671 --> 01:24:12,673
I don't have any brothers.
1372
01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:17,261
- Or any sisters, for that matter.
- (ALL) Aw!
1373
01:24:17,428 --> 01:24:20,890
So my friends have been my siblings
1374
01:24:22,183 --> 01:24:24,185
I love them
like brothers and sisters.
1375
01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:29,523
And I've fought with them
and laughed with them
1376
01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:34,111
and grown up with them
and learned from them.
1377
01:24:34,278 --> 01:24:38,699
And no one more so than the man
who is being married here today...
1378
01:24:40,367 --> 01:24:42,953
- Fionan.
- Fion-awn
1379
01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:45,873
I've relied on him
so much over the years
1380
01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:48,709
and he's always been there for me.
1381
01:24:48,876 --> 01:24:52,505
Even when I've expected
far too much from him,
1382
01:24:52,671 --> 01:24:56,801
he's been able to see
through my...idiot ways
1383
01:24:56,967 --> 01:25:02,598
and he's helped me to find the man
that I'm supposed to be.
1384
01:25:02,765 --> 01:25:06,727
So I say congratulations, Ruth.
You picked a doozy.
1385
01:25:06,894 --> 01:25:08,229
Yeah.
1386
01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:11,565
I'm so proud to call this man
my best friend.
1387
01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:14,318
And...
1388
01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:17,279
with your permission...
1389
01:25:19,573 --> 01:25:20,908
my brother.
1390
01:25:24,662 --> 01:25:26,664
Marriages are not made in heaven.
1391
01:25:27,665 --> 01:25:30,960
They're made here on Earth,
but you only have to take one look
1392
01:25:31,127 --> 01:25:33,504
at this amazing woman to know
that for my friend Fionan,
1393
01:25:33,671 --> 01:25:35,881
this is as close to heaven
as he's ever going to get.
1394
01:25:36,048 --> 01:25:37,550
(LAUGHTER)
1395
01:25:37,716 --> 01:25:41,554
So I ask you, ladies and gentlemen,
to raise your glasses with me
1396
01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:45,266
to Fionan and Ruth, bride and groom.
1397
01:25:45,432 --> 01:25:47,434
(ALL) Fionan and Ruth.
1398
01:25:49,645 --> 01:25:52,022
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
1399
01:26:00,656 --> 01:26:03,325
- She looked absolutely gorgeous.
- Thanks.
1400
01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:06,245
(KEVIN) Who's that man?
1401
01:26:07,997 --> 01:26:09,999
- Hi, Dad.
- Hello there.
1402
01:26:12,877 --> 01:26:14,879
You must be Kevin.
1403
01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:18,257
- Mr Quinn.
- Derry, please.
1404
01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:22,052
- May I get you a drink, Derry?
- No, let me get you one.
1405
01:26:22,219 --> 01:26:26,640
- That's very kind of you.
- Well, it is a free bar.
1406
01:26:29,351 --> 01:26:32,813
- I'll give you a hand, Derry.
- Yeah, that's very kind of you.
1407
01:26:34,273 --> 01:26:36,942
- What would you like?
- (LITTLE KEVIN) Thank you.
1408
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:42,281
- Davin.
- Hey there.
1409
01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:46,744
- Did you just call me Davin?
- I did. I called you Davin.
1410
01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:50,039
So look, I've got something for you.
1411
01:26:50,998 --> 01:26:53,125
- You got me a present?
- Oh, yeah.
1412
01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:58,380
Wow.
1413
01:27:02,676 --> 01:27:06,305
"May the best man win."
1414
01:27:13,145 --> 01:27:15,814
Can I have your attention, please?
1415
01:27:15,981 --> 01:27:17,441
(CHEERING)
1416
01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:19,985
This is a really special moment
for me.
1417
01:27:20,945 --> 01:27:23,530
The most amazing day of my life.
1418
01:27:23,697 --> 01:27:28,285
And now my brother,
The Machine, my oldest friend,
1419
01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:32,081
is giving us a present of a song.
1420
01:27:32,248 --> 01:27:34,250
Get up here.
1421
01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:36,418
(CHEERING)
1422
01:27:47,263 --> 01:27:48,597
Thank you.
1423
01:27:48,764 --> 01:27:51,350
Ladies and gentlemen, my name,
1424
01:27:51,517 --> 01:27:53,519
or my real name...
1425
01:27:54,603 --> 01:27:56,605
is Richard.
1426
01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,565
- (Richard? Is it?)
- (Yeah.)
1427
01:27:58,732 --> 01:28:00,943
The reason I'm called
The Machine is...
1428
01:28:03,654 --> 01:28:06,407
Well, maybe another time, yeah.
1429
01:28:06,573 --> 01:28:09,994
Ladies and gentlemen, this song
is about the bride and groom
1430
01:28:10,160 --> 01:28:11,495
and about love.
1431
01:28:11,662 --> 01:28:14,540
But it's also a song about Ireland
1432
01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:16,917
and the men and women of Ireland.
1433
01:28:17,876 --> 01:28:21,714
In recent times,
we've taken a hell of a beating.
1434
01:28:22,715 --> 01:28:27,219
What with the economy
and Europe tearing us a new one.
1435
01:28:27,386 --> 01:28:31,015
And the Church being
total assholes about everything.
1436
01:28:31,181 --> 01:28:32,516
(LAUGHTER)
1437
01:28:32,683 --> 01:28:35,853
But we've got to forgive ourselves,
forgive each other
1438
01:28:36,020 --> 01:28:38,105
and learn to love ourselves again,
1439
01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:42,901
'cause the thing is we're Ireland
1440
01:28:43,068 --> 01:28:47,656
and that, my friends, is deadly.
1441
01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:49,158
(ALL) Whoo!
1442
01:28:49,325 --> 01:28:53,579
I also want to dedicate this
to a bunch of Comancheros
1443
01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:56,332
I once had the honour
of riding with
1444
01:28:56,498 --> 01:28:59,084
out on the edge of the world.
1445
01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,378
I love those hombres.
1446
01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:12,097
♪ Is it getting better?
1447
01:29:14,767 --> 01:29:17,186
J" Do you feel the same?
1448
01:29:20,105 --> 01:29:24,902
♪ Will it make it easier on you now
1449
01:29:25,069 --> 01:29:28,238
J" You got someone to blame
1450
01:29:28,405 --> 01:29:32,242
J" You say one love
1451
01:29:32,409 --> 01:29:35,245
♪ One life
1452
01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:37,373
♪ When it's one need
1453
01:29:37,539 --> 01:29:40,209
♪ In the night
1454
01:29:40,376 --> 01:29:42,961
♪ One love
1455
01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:45,714
J" We get to share it
1456
01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:51,345
J" Leaves you baby
if you don't care for it
1457
01:29:51,512 --> 01:29:53,514
(CHEERING)
1458
01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:05,234
J" Did I disappoint you?
1459
01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:10,447
♪ Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
1460
01:30:12,491 --> 01:30:15,452
J" You act like you never had love
1461
01:30:17,621 --> 01:30:21,041
J" And you want me to go without
1462
01:30:21,208 --> 01:30:24,837
J" Well, it's too late
1463
01:30:25,003 --> 01:30:27,423
J" Tonight
1464
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:32,261
♪ To drag the past out
into the night
1465
01:30:33,303 --> 01:30:36,932
♪ We're one, but we're not the same
1466
01:30:37,099 --> 01:30:40,060
♪ We get to carry each other
1467
01:30:40,227 --> 01:30:44,481
♪ Carry each other, one...
1468
01:30:44,648 --> 01:30:46,942
(CHEERING)
1469
01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:58,454
J" Have you come here
for forgiveness?
1470
01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:03,375
J" Have you come to raise the dead?
1471
01:31:05,419 --> 01:31:08,589
J" Have you come hereto play Jesus?
1472
01:31:10,591 --> 01:31:14,428
♪ To the lepers in your head?
1473
01:31:15,429 --> 01:31:17,806
♪ Did I ask too much?
1474
01:31:17,973 --> 01:31:20,642
♪ More than a lot
1475
01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:25,814
♪ You gave me nothing,
now it's all I've got
1476
01:31:25,981 --> 01:31:30,027
♪ We're one, but we're not the same
1477
01:31:30,194 --> 01:31:32,571
♪ Well, we hurt each other
1478
01:31:32,738 --> 01:31:36,116
♪ Then we do it again, you say
1479
01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:38,285
♪ Love is a temple
1480
01:31:38,452 --> 01:31:40,662
J” Love a higher law
1481
01:31:40,829 --> 01:31:43,415
♪ Love is a temple
1482
01:31:43,582 --> 01:31:46,335
J” Love a higher law
1483
01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:51,590
♪ You ask me to enter,
but then you make me crawl
1484
01:31:51,757 --> 01:31:57,971
♪ And I can't be holding on
to what you've got
1485
01:31:58,138 --> 01:32:00,265
♪ When all you've got is hurt
1486
01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:02,809
J” One love
1487
01:32:02,976 --> 01:32:05,354
J” One blood
1488
01:32:05,521 --> 01:32:09,358
♪ One life, you've got
to do what you should
1489
01:32:10,984 --> 01:32:15,989
♪ One life with each other
1490
01:32:16,156 --> 01:32:20,160
a” Sisters, brothers
1491
01:32:21,411 --> 01:32:25,249
♪ We're one life,
but we're not the same
1492
01:32:25,415 --> 01:32:28,252
♪ We get to carry each other
1493
01:32:28,418 --> 01:32:30,379
♪ Carry each other
1494
01:32:30,546 --> 01:32:33,298
J” One
1495
01:32:36,426 --> 01:32:39,304
J” One
1496
01:32:42,724 --> 01:32:45,894
♪ Oooh-oooh
1497
01:32:46,061 --> 01:32:48,105
J” Ooh
1498
01:32:48,272 --> 01:32:52,109
J” Maybe, maybe, maybe
1499
01:32:52,276 --> 01:32:56,113
♪ Ah-ah-ah!
1500
01:32:57,447 --> 01:33:01,076
♪ Ah-ah!
1501
01:33:02,911 --> 01:33:07,332
J” Ah-ah-ah-ah
1502
01:33:08,292 --> 01:33:11,128
J” Ah-ah J”
1503
01:34:10,520 --> 01:34:12,731
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